Monday, 27 February 2012

My thoughts on parenting

Oh My Goodness - I'm going to upset some folk here on this one !!! 
(I apologise if I do upset but these are issues very close to my heart.)

Here goes brace yourself and turn away if you dont like appointed women - because her comes one... 

OK - No.1
Letting your child cry themselves to sleep - NOT GOOD !!!! Hold your child (baby) - thats what babies are made for - that's why they are so small !! If your child is heart broken - pick them up !!! OK now if they are just moaning crying there is a difference - thats not a pick up cry thats just a moan. But the hole crying themselves to sleep creates insecure people later on in life. And if you where heart broken wouldn't you want a little cuddle or reassurance ? I mean you need to really listen to your kid - pay attention. Sit outside there room and listen to the type of cry.

Different types of cries
             - Moaning, droning cries dont need much attention. These start as they get older.
             - Heart broken - crying till I throw up cries are worth your attention. PICK YOUR CHILD UP

Babies under 9 months don't know any different so a little cuddle and sing song soon soothes them and they are off to the land of nod in no time - they won't become anxious at bed time because they know someone will be there to reassure them... Both my children sleep through the night and bed time is a quick easy routine. Dont get me wrong, I am by no means saying run when ever they make a peep - I'm definitely not saying that - Listen to your child's moans or cries ?? Moans dont require attention but actual crying does...

My daughter was a little more anxious at bed time when she was little (this was because of stupid books telling us parents to ignore our natural instinct to sooth and pull away  and abandon our child ?? Why ??? Why did we even think this was right - because it was printed in a book?? by people who dont have their own children (apparent child guru's))- we tried the hole self soothing and it made her so up set at bed time it broke my heart and was bad for all of us. Instead we rocked her to bed read her a storey gave her a bottle (God forbid she drank herself to sleep (according to the baby books this is a HUGE no no ))and her dummies and what ever else she wanted as comfort. She is now 3 and we go to bed straight away every night at 7:30 with a storey and no fuss... My son needed a few nights of reassurance on our bed with a few cuddles and as soon as he was asleep he was put into his bed (sometimes even before he was asleep I would be put him back in his bed - as long as he was calm) He is 18months now and goes to bed with a bottle of milk and a storey and thats that... no fuss - no broken children demanding not to go to bed... just happy little chickens nice and snug in bed.

Useful links about crying - Links to why not to let your child cry...Crying changes a babies brain


No.2
Discipline your child ! Dont beat them but teach them rules and boundaries ! Dont let them trash other peoples stuff or hurt others then say - tut tut - thats not nice. They need firm guide lines and consequences.
Time out is excellent (good for reflections) Time out technique - Place a child in a quiet area for 1 minute of every year that they are . So a 3 year old goes in time out for 3 minutes. Before sending the child tell them why they are going and once the time is up explain again why they went into time out or ask them why they went there and ask for an apology and hug and a kiss and then its over till the next time.
I cant handle the hole wishy washy approach some people have when it comes to discipline - how will the child know how to restrain himself or be disciplined later in life if they where always allowed to run a muck ?? MMMMHHHH makes me crazy - seeing BRAT (which is what they become ) taking the piss, being rude, obstinate children that no one would want around them and hence land up with no friends (or becoming little anti social gang members ) (ok i might be pushing it - but it starts some where ?)

No.3
Pay attention to your children. Especially when they are talking to you or babbling at you... Get off your phone, computer - switch the TV off !!! PAY ATTENTION !!! Just because you are in the same room doesnt mean you are paying attention or spending time with them ... GIVE THEM ALL YOUR ATTENTION ! STOP PLAYING ANGRY BIRDS!

No.4
Not all children are created equal - some are easy to raise others are a challenge - it is up to you as a parent to take it which ever way it comes and make the most and the best of it. I'm a firm believer in there is no such thing as bad children only bad parenting techniques. There are however lots of bad parents out there that raise and do shocking things to kids (but thats just a hole other can of worms that gets me up tight )

No.5
Love your KID! Tell them all the time you love them - no they wont just know you do because you are their parents - you actually have to tell them...


No.6
Teach them !! They are your responsibility - start them off on small things... show them things . Its not just the schools job to teach YOUR child.

No.7
Give them jobs to do. Teach them how to work as a family and a team. (no they are not your slaves) Teach them to take their plates to the kitchen. Pick up their shoes etc... little little things... You are not their slave either... It makes a child feel involved when they help out ! But ultimately it is all your job but make them help out... from 2  my daughter would take her plate to the kitchen, passes me all the stuff out the dish washer , helps me with the washing - puts her shoes away etc... OK not flawless every time but most times... and she loves it still. Now my son is 18 months and they both race to help me unload the dish washer or the washing machine... Lovely jubbly !!! child labour here I come (just kidding - obviously !!) But come on - its not rocket science - let them feel involved and needed...

No.7
There are children that are brought up and then are children that are dragged up ! I'm definitely going to try my hardest to bring my children up not drag them up ...

No.8
Be prepared ... In my mommy tool kit i always have , Superglue (for fixing everything - especially toys), Permanent marker (for marking and over righting most things).
Baby Bel cheese, Mini cheddars &  Yoghurt ( quick fixes from most moaning children)

More of my offensive opinions to follow - I'll up date this as i go along... 



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1 comment:

Sherry said...

I totally agree with you! This is the way my husband and I parent. We are told we are too hard on our boys for doing time outs!!! I put them in time out in stores, church or where ever we are at.. My boys are adopted and have fetal alcohol syndrome but we have also raised two very independent, responsible and well rounded daughters! Keep on blogging!!!! The world needs more parents who love their children enough to set limits oh and I totally agree with you about spending time with them our children have to be our priority!!

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